Redneck Tree Swing

Note the chic nylon suspension ropes and the Tiki torch for ambiance! Gotta love this decorating style.

Town doesn’t matter. State doesn’t matter. Region of country doesn’t matter. Just pick any backwater Hicksville then drive oh, about 30 miles any direction, turn onto a gravel road follow until it turns into a dirt road, through the muddy bottoms, round the curve and there you’ll have it. Or have this, I mean.

Every family has the relative who would or who has displayed something totally ridiculous in their front yard. I’m not referring to a pink flamingo (unless they put a whole flock in their yard.) No, this is a serious infraction (known in the country as an eye-sore) of decorating sense. Being from Texas and sporting our share of small towns, I’ve witnessed washers and dryers in the yard — no, not hooked up to electric — just in the yard, sometimes straight up, sometimes on their sides, and once upside down; decapitated campers; collapsed tents; RVs with flat tires; RVs with no tires; just the tires and no vehicle; rocking chairs; dining room tables; old suitcases; and bird baths of every description even one that looked like old boots.

So for those of us who have the relative that we’re certain was abducted by aliens then returned for reasons everyone in the family can understand . . . know that you don’t stand alone. The Redneck Tree Swing is all the evidence you need that there’s a passel of hillbillies anywhere you go in the country.