Okay, I’d love to take credit for these, but I am an honest writer. This is one of those multiple emails forwarded to me that I actually found ‘funny’. Why? Because these bits of wisdom are what make us so human.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?”
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
Okay, here are a couple from me . . .
Is everyone who watches the national news (5:30 CST time frame) sick with something? Watch the commercials — Pharmaceutical companies love this slot.
How can every car dealership promise to beat any and all deals? Who’s making money if they’re all beating each other’s deals? Or how ridiculously far where they delving into consumer’s pockets before they started beating each other’s deal?
Why is the first thing we say when someone stumps their toe, skins their knees, or trips and falls, “Are you all right?” Duh! If they were all right, they wouldn’t be on the floor with carved up knees and bum toes.
Why do the boxes say ‘some assembly required’? If the newly purchased item is in pieces, it’s ‘full assembly required’.
Why are flashlight batteries ALWAYS dead when the lights go out?
Why do smoke alarm batteries ALWAYS go out during the middle of the night?
Why do two-year-olds get sick (run fever, throw up) in the middle of the night?
Why is it even called ‘customer service’?
Feel free to add your own.